got sick and tired of the red background tho its still my favourite colour. white soothes my eyes now. plain and simple... just like my life...

Happened to stumble upon a web and saw something which made my mood drop totally... I've been in such a tough position... And No one understands (well, except 'you') what I'm going thru. I hardly have any time for myself, my friends, my boyfriend, my family. Yet someone's comment on a random page can make me feel so upset... Just hoping 20th of April will hurry arrive and we will be clinching the Gold With Honours filled with glory. Then I will officially step down of my position, get out of my CCA, focus on my studies 100%, bond with ALL my friends, have dinner with my family more often, spend more time with the boyfriend other than to and fro tuition/ home journeys, bring my popo out once in a while, juggle everything well. That's the day I will be waiting for...... It will come, right? Yes it will... But another big question... Are these people willing to give me a chance by waiting till then so I can make up to them??? Nah....... Doubt so.... Sigh, lifes so difficult.

I need to fight against time. Every second, the clock ticks. Every second, you're making a decision. To continue blogging? To head to bed now? To have this for breakfast? What time to wake up tmr? To reply a text? To do this subject now? To go home? To walk this way? What to wear? To go out or stay home? To get this settled? To give in again? To make the first step? Every. Decision. Counts.

And that sucks.

super duper moody today... just so so upset... after all i've done, all the time i put in, all the sweats and tears... this is what i get... just so upset about everything that happened... no face anymore... why siaaaaa.... nothings going my way... i keep feeling like no one is appreciating what ive been doing... im so demoralized......... i need time. more time. so so much to catch up on... everyones taking this chance to buck up on their studies and do well while im reaching home at 10 every night, dead beat. ive got such a long to-do-list but ive yet to check anything off it... and i can continue sitting here, continue procastinating........ it just goes on. just so fucked up... ugh.

She has been a very hyper girl who has always been very bubbly. she makes me smile and goes wild with me when i am just soooo sian during all the CCA practices. we play, we talk, we sing and we *ahems* outrage each other's modesty. ive known her so much better and grown so much closer to her through the 6 days in taiwan. but never, would i imagine that there is actually a sad story behind those smiles and laughters...

currently shes undergoing a terribly tough phase in her life that i believe she'll never forget for the rest of her life... it sure is a saddening news... but... it happens to everyone... just that this poor girl has to experience and undergo during her adolescent years...

behind every smile, every tear... theres always this story hidden inside... whats most important is how we handle and control our emotions.... do we show it? do we leave it hanging? or, like this girl, do we not let it affect our moods at all?

dear girl, i dont know if you will ever see this post but... just know that i'll always be here for you okay! we may not be the closest friends but... theres still this 'something' between us eh? heh, please stay strong and continue to see life in such a positive manner.... i salute you for your strength and your bravery... i love you girl!!

[theres seriously a heart-wrenching story behind all these but i'll not type it all here to respect her privacy (: ]

If only time can be stretched, so I can do so much more... All I need now Is for the clock to stop ticking away so I can finish all my tasks on hand, without having new ones that constantly piles up... Ive got so much work to do, so much skills to sharpen, so much duties to accomplish. I need time. My commontest results are just a piece of shit. Never once in my education life have I failed any subjects. Moreover, this time it's 2 at a time n the rest are just passed. To think my patents think I'm all stressed up with my work and doing very well. To think they have sooo have hopes on me. To think im not doing any of that sort actually... So disappointing....

Time check, it's march.

2 more months to chinese Os.

7 more months to actual Os.

We can do it! (((: